Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
