Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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