well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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