I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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