I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
