he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
