shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
