i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
