just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
