i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
