i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
