I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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