i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
