I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
