i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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