Where are you?
In a non slutty way
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
