I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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