I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
