I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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