I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
