I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
