Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
