if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
