I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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