dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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