I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
