google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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