Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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