: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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