Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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