if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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