I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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