I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You made out with two different species that night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
