I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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