i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
