i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize