the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize