they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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