I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
