I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
