I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
