someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize