literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
