You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
