I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
