he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
