bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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