operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
