He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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