Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
