haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize