Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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