Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
