Cold hands, warm shart.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
