it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
