We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
