He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
