I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
