I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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