I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize