She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
