I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
