Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
