Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
