I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
