She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
