I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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