I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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