take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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