Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
